Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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