It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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