for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
