it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
