Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
