My hair reeks of homosexuality.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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