Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
