got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
