I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
