why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
The feeling are messing with the penis
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
