my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
