I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
