I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
