Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
