my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize