I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
