Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize