Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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