i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
