I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
