His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
FUCK WHALES
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
