i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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