Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
