I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize