Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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