Its about making memories worth repressing
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Im part way to drunk.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
