The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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