Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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