never play flip cup with pint glasses
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
My vagina just recognized that song.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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