i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Text me some of your sweat
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize