theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Randomize
