I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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