About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
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