don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
