so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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