Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize