I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
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