That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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