I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize