maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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