i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize