The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
