I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
