Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
