you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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