I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I wear drunk well.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
