Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
