Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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