Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
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