This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
