watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
