This is not my ceiling
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize