we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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