dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize