i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
are you so shy because you have an std?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
