it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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