everyone is single if you try hard enough
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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