Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
