Can i not drive my cunt home
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Randomize
