everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
