We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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