I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
