Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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