I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
