Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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