I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
