so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
