i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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