I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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