bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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