New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
