When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
