uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize