I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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