I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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