Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
