Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
