I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
