I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
