i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
