so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
